Suteki da ne

Farewells

2008-03-14T11:05:00.002+08:00

argumentum ad ignorantiam

The argument from personal incredulity,
also known as argument from personal belief
or argument from personal conviction,
refers to an assertion that because
one personally finds a premise unlikely or unbelievable,
the premise can be assumed not to be true,
or alternately that
another preferred but unproven premise is true instead.

quote from wikipedia

also known as 'shooting down an arguement'

Came home at midnight. Went to see AJchoir off at the airport... Their flying to Italy for another choral competition. It was good to mix with those 'young kids' again. After 3 months of BMT. The difference in atmosphere was huge. The day before i went to Plaza Singapura for the first time in recent memory. Surprised at how much things have changed. After living with army food, anything looks and tastes wonderful. No wonder i'm gaining weight again. The civilian world looks different after you have been through army. One thing is the fact that any fit male over 20 should know how to fire a rifle.

Went to collect my results last friday. My results are not bad, but not good either. Sad that Two years of hard work and activities can be reduced to one sheet of paper. There are those that i feel did not put in an equal amount of effort, only achieveing their results through a good choice of subject combinations with easy papers. There are many i feel deserve straight A's for all the effort i've seen them put in. But Life's unfair.
I guess thats what this blog has been about, how life's unfairness can be fought. But one thing i've learnt is that no matter what you do, fairness cannot be achieved. Thus we have to choose to do our best to keep things fair. If we don't, who will?

Isn't it wonderful that the decision lies with everyone of us?
signing off for the last time. goodbye.

One last post

2007-12-08T12:19:00.000+08:00

When you're playing blitzball
you gotta think about blitz and nothing else.
If you do, that's when you lose.

I should have posted yesterday, but the reason for the delay can be seen in my sidebar. One final update of everything before i disappear. Most of the comics i read have been added. Some of them are heavy in terms of new ideas, some are light with humour and laughter.. But i think all are a good read.

I recently went to Melbourne for a short holiday with my family. I managed to get DICE there! D20 and d4 and... Yup, you don't get it do you? Never mind.
Currently listening to this
Guess this is good bye guys. Hope to be able to come back and blog soon.

Checkmate

2007-11-24T17:20:00.000+08:00

THE CIRCLE OF LIIFFEEEE...
and it moves the soul.

Exams are finally over. Will come back to them in a moment. So time is on the move again, and i am buzy playing Fiesta. Its a really interesting game, that is, its just like any MMORPG. But with my internet connection, i barely play. Real life is interesting in some ways, but we are all limited by our own abilities. That is one appeal of these games to me: when in them, anyone can make a difference in someone-else's day.

Well the A level papers in all are a good test of our abilities [read as: tough]. It was a challenge throughout, but i think we [my class] were prepared the best they can. Both through their own effeort and the effort of our teachers. I will not be able to reach and thank all my teachers personally, so here is a small thank you for all of them, for all they have done.
Just one last song.

The beginning of the end to a chapter

2007-10-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

Remember to create memories that you will cherish

Darn just received my NS enlistment notice. Am sad. Other than that its the last week of official school. Tomorrow is farewell assembly. Routine... after 2 years... seem like a part of me. Well, must start working towards the A level.

Celebrated my birthday way too early. due to time constraints. An ice cream. I guess I must make do with what I have.... and work hard.

Mock papers are mocking us!

2007-10-05T20:04:00.000+08:00

To go a full circle and come out on the other side takes courage, to walk the final step.

Another week has past! Lets see how many times i can use it before i get bored. Basically this week was filled with timed practices which start an hour after the last lesson of the day. This gives us an hour filled with sleep on tables and crapping with each other. And finally promos are over for the poor J1s. The J1 choir members are restarting practice already. Fun! Time to hyper abit more!

Anyway I have been tagged by Val
List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:

1. A white outline Pintsize on a rad-ass black Jerzees zip-up hoodie found here. Read the webcomic to find out why.
2. This web comic to restart.
3. A level 'A's [more than 4]. Unrealistic ... but thats what wishes are for
4. Kodachi lessons. Yes I'm serious
5. FFX and FFX-2 copies that i can play using somethings I have.

Answer the following questions:
1. The person who tag you is? Valerie

2. Your relationship with him/her is?
Well. A friend from secondary school, got to know each other through a mutual friend whose blog died earlier this year.

3. Your impression of him/her?
A very nice friend to shares joy and sorrows with.[answer stolen from Val]

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?
She's one of the few people from sec school i still talk to on msn.

5. The most memorable word[s] he/she had said to you?
Hmm. Well. 'hello'? Sorry, can't really remember much else. Sign that i have been mugging too much.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
Suffer from severe amnesia because how that might happen is beyond the comprehension of a human mind. We don't even meet up in real life, much less have a romance. Haha.

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be?
=/ What sort of question is this? Haha. I don't think its worth trying to improve the Valerie I know.

8. If he/she becomes your enemy you will?
Suffer from severe amnesia because how that might happen is beyond the comprehension of a human mind. Hateful is one word not associated with either of us.

11.Your overall impression of him/her is?
She is one who is a great friend with a great smile and kind heart[again stolen from Val]

13.The character(s) you love of yourself is/are?
Able to slack or work hard. Able to be lame. Able to believe. Able to embarrass self... nope, you do not want to know.

14.On the contrary, the character(s) you hate of yourself is/are?
Goes hyper when stressed. Perpetually sleepy/tired.

15.The most ideal person you want to be is?
No matter how perfect you think you are, there will still be flaws in you.[and i stole an answer from Val again] So I'll just be myself.

16.Pass this quiz to 10 people in alphabetic order
1.Andrew
2. Bevelry
3.BoonTeck
4. Chris
5. Hazel
6. Jeremy
7. Nellyn
8. Shu fen
9. Swee hao
10. Zongyi

People who have been tagged. you guys don't need to do the quiz if you don't want to.

17.Who is no.6 having relationship with?
He is sitll single & available. [Muahaha i still am stealing answers.]

18.Is no.9 a male or female?
Male

19.If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
7 and 10 are female. Even if they got around the taboo thing [insane and unlikely], one of them is a down to earth and hyper person, while the other is a person with pride and kinda serious. When they say opposites attract, I do not think they mean this.

20.How about no.8 and 5?
Again both are female. Wonderful how this quiz is designed. Both are pretty nice people. They could be sisters. But them being together will rip asunder the fabric of time and space.

21.What is no.2 studying about?
JC student, BCME all at H2. Also known as the course only less suicidal than the 12 AU course and the BCMG all at H2.

22.When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
A long long time ago. in a galaxy far away. Naboo was under an attack. and i thought....

23.What kind of music band does no.8 like?
I have no idea.

24.Does no.1 has any siblings?
No [again, steal answer]

25.Will you woo no.3?
HAHAHA. No. Cause his special person may come finding me=) [Oh man stealing this answer from Val, but it is so appropriate]

26.Is no.4 single?
I think so. Unless he's being secretive again.

27.What's the surname of no.5?
Tan.

28.What's the hobby of no.4?
Posing

29.Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
Yes..They are good friends=) Same course some more=)
[BITTER IRONY That i can steal so many answers from Val while telling the truth. Oh, did i mention their very good friends?]

30.Where is no.2 studying at?
AJC

31.Talk something casually about no.1?
A wonderful class leader.

32.Have you try developing feelings for no.8?
Hax..Only feelings as a friend bahx..LOL [Valerie! why can i steal so many of your answers!]

33.Where does no.9 live at?
Singapore

34.What color does no.4 like?
Black

35.Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
They dont even know each other how to be best friends? [Another stolen answer]

36.Does no.7 likes no.2?
They stand pretty close to each other during morning assembly but i'm positive they do not know each other.

37.How do you get to know no.2?
Fellow AJ choriester

38.Does no.1 have any pets?
Ehx..from what i know, no... [last stolen answer]

39.Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
Ah, wonderful way to end a quiz. I'll leave it hanging. and let Paranoia consume her!

Gears cranked into place

2007-09-28T19:58:00.000+08:00

Some people want change.
Will they sit and wait and beg others to help them,
or make the change themselves?

Another week has gone by before we expected it to. While going through papers, tutorials and stress in general, does anybody notice it is the last few times This J2 batch will spend together? Today was spent in a eye-rolling GP lesson, a fun filled break, a PD tutor birthday celebration, more chemistry tutorial,going through chem paper2, and about 5 HOURS OF MATHS TIMED PRACTICE. JC life has its funny quirks. I'll miss it.

There are somethings to say about how JC education works. One of the things that we need to do is actually pay attention and not hope that everything can be mugged at last minute. Lectures are not for sleeping. 3 people asked me about the same questions for chemistry over 3 days. Its alway fun to watch people draw linear water molecules and make Al2Cl6 have an extra pair of electrons.

For great justice

2007-09-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

All your base are belong to us
never underestimate the healing power of viral threads

So this is the end to another week, another week closer to A levels. My dear PD tutor reminded us of that fact. "Its good to have hobbies [we were on that topic], but remember hor, not for the next 6 weeks." The sad life of JC. I have the A level timetable next to my monitor, and so far the thought of how close the exam is has not crossed my mind as much as run in screaming incoherent terror over it. {phrase from queen of wands. copyright aeire) That phrase i find is an apt description of how most of us are feeling about the Alevel papers. There is a general feel of uncertainty, i guess from the lack of preparedness. Preparedness in the sense of work during J1 and early J2. Slacking during those times comes with a really high price i guess, but for me i feel that the Price is worth it. You can tell i have been mugging alot recently, mis-spelled esther's name as ester. Thanks for pointing that out Joshua.

Speaking of prelim papers, this week marked the beginning of the analysis of our prelim results. The absolute horror. All paper were interesting, in their own way. Biology was especially interesting in the creativity of answer on how bacterium from the human large intestine could be transmitted to another human. Economics was intriguing by the number of people who picked a killer question over a... relatively easier question. Mathematics was just plain annoying at how many obstacles there were between us and the answer and the marks. Chemistry was interestingly holistic. Paper one tested our application of concept in new situations and analysis of data, paper two tested our concepts and technical abilities, and paper three tested time management, decision making and analysis of reactions. GP was about the future. Enough said. I hope my marks reflect the amount of work I've put in. Same hope for anyone who is reading this. Well, i guess its time to finalize my summaries for the subjects maths, chem and econsH1. Hope they help. And hope i have a little time to do some decorating.

Another end

2007-09-17T12:04:00.000+08:00

Prelims are over! rejoice!
for posterity:
chem paper=endergonic
maths paper=fnint(k,x,0,k), k=o.w.n.e.d
econs paper= no potential growth
bio paper= permanent EPSP

Well, prelim paper is over. My life is currently non-existant i.e. i have no life. JC is just that way i guess. But now a new passage is open. What challenges will another week in school bring? Will the basketball court finally turn into a portal of doom? Will the teachers finally discover who is dulling all the student's minds? Will people actually fly?
Will exam stress finally do permanent damage to my head?

Well, here's a quiz my dear friend cheryl dumped on me.
Each player of the game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly.
In the end, you'll need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their name.(i refuse to do tag others and i have no idea why i'm doing this anyway)
So here's this list, which Cheryl asked me to do because , quoting her blog, she thinks i'm weird.

1]I sorta like the challenge of A level H2Mathematics. Please don't kill me.
2]Despite my dislike for most forms of popular music, i sorta like Weird Al music. (can't get any weirder than a guy with weird in his pseudo-name)
3]I keep track of 35 web comics, 3 of them ended. Ask me for the list if you want, its too long to post here.
4]I originally started blogging for ranting purposes.
5]I took an interest in Celtic runes last year. The simplicity was probably what i was interested in.
6]I really like to sleep. Slept through most of my afternoons. And slept through a class chalet. Its a wonder I'm still awake

An end

2007-08-07T17:57:00.000+08:00

Fantasy is where things go our way. Why don't we live in fantasy? Because Reality has somethings that fantasy does not have.

L	Light
U	Unforgettable
K	Keen
E	Elitist

N	Nutty
A	Altruistic
M	Meek
B	Busy
I	Ideal

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

So here I am at the starting line. All that can be taught has been taught. All that can be learnt has been learnt.
Its time.

Time of Crisis

2007-08-03T19:48:00.000+08:00

...or is it a Crisis of Time?

Confused in the whirlwind of advice. It is interesting to hear from different point of view. It is annoying to hear from different points of view. It is benefical. It is painful.

The toilet light failed today, and there's no one at home who knows which bulb it uses. Ah well. Life has to go on. Its really hard to convey to a person whose never been in J2, what the workload is like. I'm so tired.

Stamina required

2007-07-28T18:38:00.000+08:00

In a marathon, its not how fast you can run, but how long you can run, that counts

First time i unintentionally missed my friday blogging slot. School lately has been pretty exhausting. Slept from approximately 6pm to 11am today. Maybe its just the stress catching up.

Well, i got back my choir blazer from the laundry today. Its not really mine, i just got used to calling it that after one and a half years of wearing it. I'll be returning it to the logistics committee of AJC choir when choir practice starts again.

Withdrawn

2007-07-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

You only realize how [un-]necessary somethings are when you lose them.

Well I'm back in Singapore! have been since Tuesday, but have not had the time to do anything. Had to rush like an idiot. Its just Jc life i guess. Well on Thursday my computer did a permanent crash. And i lost all my data. Been trying to find all that data from the web for a while. Anyone has a copy of Crazy Taxi?

Another interesting thing is that I've been suffering from withdrawal symptoms from choir. Just yesterday i was dreaming that this batch of AJC choristers when for another choral trip to malacca or something. I didn't want to wake up. But i had to. The dream has ended.

Going Away again

2007-07-05T21:01:00.000+08:00

Always challenge yourself. You never know how badly you underestimated your limits.

Well its been a long time since i've updated this blog. I had been studying for my mid-year exams, and after that , I'm now preparing for a trip to Pattaya, Thailand. International choral festival. This will be a trip to remember. The choir has worked hard for this. Let go get our just rewards.

International Choral festivals are nothing like SYF. I'm not talking about standards; I'm talking about the way the competition is approached. Yes, the standards are the same, but one has emphasis on the joy of singing. Guess which one?

Questions

2007-06-11T17:46:00.000+08:00

Shades of grey are SO annoying in a world that only understands black and white.

Emotions are some of the most dangerous things in the world. They can build up a person, and in a blink of an eye , destroy what it just created. It drives irrationality, yet is also something that can provoke us to do the right thing. There is nothing that can influence blind hatred. There is nothing that can end a passionate love. Emotions are that nothing, like a wind blowing across the world. Some do not notice its passing. Awaken, and learn to control your heart, before you are left as an empty shell.

There is an interesting concept behind the word nothing. There is nothing to say.

Fever

2007-06-05T17:09:00.000+08:00

It is said that taking a breather now and then is good for you. What a lie.

So for the first time in a long time, I have taken an MC from school. High fever, lost my voice, and missed more than three quarters of 2 MATHS TUTORIALS. SOBS. Oh, the doctor also told me to go back if i develop rashes after the fever goes down.

Well if your bored revising, here's an interesting game, rated suitable for all audiences by newgrounds:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/381450

An un-planned break

2007-05-31T19:28:00.001+08:00

Appearances can be deceiving.

On sunday night I got the shock of my life. Somethings surprise you, others are just, unexpected, unpredictable, but necessary. The most important thing in these moments is to act rationally and not dig too much.

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

End of terms

2007-05-25T16:04:00.000+08:00

Is there any point in thinking about 'what if's' and what you could have done? Only if your self-righteous.

Today is the end of term 2 of my second year in a JC. Interestingly, after doing all that homework, I still have about the same amount left over.
At present I've been let off from all choir practices, to study.
I detest mugging.

At present a proposal is being made for a peer tuto.. no, group learning system for choir members. I hope it works.

U turns

2007-05-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

Suppose your driving a car down a road,
and you realise you just took a left turn instead of a right turn.
Do you do an immediate U-turn?
Turn right and hope to see another 2 right turns to get you back where you started?
What about left turns?
What about just continuing on the wrong path, and see where it brings you?

Its that time of the year again when many blogs... die. Its a sign that people are starting to have too much to do, to bother recording down their thoughts. Priorities are reset, focuses are changed, and... somethings are ignored. For better or for worse.

I am going for the Voyage of Songs Choir festival/competition, as a member of AJchoir.
Of course its also time to start pushing for my grades. I'll have to try balance.

A test

2007-05-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder what people mean when they say:
"I wish I did better than my best?"

Well, AjChoir has EARNED their Gold medal in this year's SYF. Need I say more?

This forenight had the common test of two 'interesting' topics. Chemistry and Maths. Both had questions that just stun you for a while before you start thinking. Its painful,after doing the paper, and seeing all the looks of sadness...
On a side note, i went to the CLDDs play.

Bull's-eye

2007-05-04T20:23:00.000+08:00

Is there truly good in other outcomes?
Why would a goal-setter care?

Its nearing the 5th and last SYF for me. 8th May. 3 days away. The record for me in other choirs stands: Silver,Bronze,Bronze,Silver. Now We, AJChoir, aim to get a Gold with Honours. Looks like a big jump in standards for me right? Its bigger than it looks.

There's always that saying about pushing ourselves to the limits. When do we stop pushing? It is said we cannot be satisfied by being average, when the average are quickly outshone by others. I will continue to push myself. Lets hope i don't lose anything in the process.

Today

2007-04-27T18:06:00.000+08:00

Keeping secrets:
When does the right for others know
become greater than
the right for one to keep something secret?

[I have no idea, but i prefer to keep to the truth
so i don't need to remember what i said.]

One of the biggest highlights of this week was me finding out that an online game added 6 more levels. The first of which i believe to be 'broken' now, such that i can't play the rest. Argh?

Its a wonder sometimes, how little time we have leftover to spend as we like. I'm going to go do some tutorials now.

Tension

2007-04-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

~Ripped off from a discussion with a friend~
Self confidence:
How much is too much?
When you are willing to challenge
what is told or implied to you?

This has been one interesting week. Besides the 3 major events in a JC student's life falling on the same monday.
What I had was NAPFA test all 6 items, Bio SPA skill A, and choir concert performance on the same day. It was an interesting experience rushing from one venue to the next. But more so was the experience dragging myself through the rest of the week. Forcing myself to pay attention when what i really wanted to do was sleep. I'm surprised i haven't passed out in choir yet... When I was in secondary school such stress would probably have made me black out. Have I become stronger, or just more determined?

Thursday was choir SYF auditions.
I'm on Probation like last year. I'm thankful for the chance and for those who have believed in me.
I'm not feeling too thankful for the people who clearly put in [or thought they put in] lots of effort but didn't get results.
From now to SYF will be a high stress period for me. I can't shake off the feeling that I'm a liability to the choir. So I'm gonna try relearn my parts and push myself to do my best this one last time for AJ choir.
My homework is so gonna suffer. =P

Final Steps

2007-04-13T18:00:00.000+08:00

Is there any logic behind being Paranoid?

Its THE final days before choir concert. Choir members are all pushing for ticket sales. Together with some others, we managed to subsidies some people enough so that they thought it was worth coming. I'm going through this lets-be-Socrates-but-instead-if-killing-yourself-lets-be-whiny-and-emo mood.

Its hard to do things sometimes. Some conflicts of interest.
1 to infinity] school vs. choir
Surprising right?
I was thinking... that the present in truth does not exist. Its an illusion that we create at the point the future becomes the past. Think about it.
Can you ever say now is now?

Glass. Cracked

2007-04-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

Risk-takers are an unusual part of econs -- the few who are willing to invest with uncertain returns.

One week. Its only been one week. And the shadows are behaving as though some mad scientist pumped them full of Human Growth Hormones. Homework piles up, as the race for choir continues.

Nothing more to add now. All the cards are in play.

Returned

2007-03-30T16:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we forget about the roses at the side of the highway.

Wow! its been so long since i lasted blogged. Choir Practices have started taking their toll on my homework, I've fallen ill [again], We're a few weeks away from School-based Practical Assessment, and life goes on like a wish-list of an emo kid.

Some stuff i would like to be reminded of about a year from now:
1] Cheese/Carrot
2] SL project which was a concert
3] Choir Camp
4] Second intake of choir members
5] I&E day's literature station. Kendrick as Othello. spelled that way i think.

alas

2006-12-16T14:25:00.000+08:00

life is filled with variable:
live with it and take chance up on its own game
take the plunge into uncertainty

Well i just did and got really, badly, owned.

15 december 2006. a day that will live in AJChoir history. the day we got owned. badly.

Originally this post was meant to be about the horror and fun of the SCO concert which AJChoir collaborated with for a buddist charity concerto. the songs are horrendous. difficult to learn, to enjoy , to reach, to SING.

But indeed. the concert ended at 11.10pm or so. about the time, busses and MRTs send out their last few fleets to anywhere.
AND the concert was in kallang, singapore indoor stadium. with like, two bus routes that come every 20 minutes. with thousands of people who turned up for the concert.

So yes. go to aggie's blog: she has links to practically every choir member's blog ; and hence there you will see the complete picture of the nightmare of getting home early in the morning. i'm too lazy.

What i did to get home.
step one. ask for lifts.
which i got 2 offers WHICH I TURNED DOWN. still kicking myself. sorry swee hao if i did not make it clear that i was not taking a lift. something in me that refuses to take lifts in private transport unless the situation is dire. how did i get this radical about the enviroment?

step 2. join any group that appears to be walking anywhere.
joined joey, long teng, chris, selene, loretta, and howard. in a walk to nowhere. We walked.
'loretta went bare-footed coz she didn't like either pair of her shoes'
and reached kallang MRT [kilometre away] at 11.50pm.
AND there was no more train to City hall.

step 3. search around for a bus to somewhere near your home.
howard and the gals found bus 51 and took it. we rushed to the other side of the bus interchange 'across a fourlane road and and car park' to see a sign saying bus 853 to ang mo kio. WHICH HAD ENDED ITS SERVICE FOR THE DAY. it was midnight.

step 4. have supper.
We had supper at an all-night muslim-indian coffee shop. nice prata. first time i had teh tarik . also first time i had hot food after midnight.
my life is sad.

step 5. hitch a lift on a friend's parent's vehicle.
Thanks Long Teng.

ever wondered why you do certain things? testing a new format for posting. see what comes out of it.
bye.

Returned

2006-12-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

Man is akin to tea bags:
you need to put them into hot water to know how strong they are;
put more then one of them into the same cup of water and you leave with a horrible taste;
heat them long enough and they will break;
and a nice looking one may just be all rotten inside.

now where did that come from?

Wells, back from my malacca trip in AJC choir. Surprisingly little to blog about.

well, here are some pointers that i could think of:

1) you can bring your luggage onto the MRT pretty easily, except that ppl keep eyeing you as thought your gonna blow yourself up any moment. [ Luggage=possible bomb ]
{in case anyone is reading this blog i think terrorist are idiots}
{and in case anyone else reads the blog i have alrdy censored out some of the more colourful adjectives i would use to describe terrorist.}

2) you can't do homework on the long bus rides to melaka

3) try bring a compass when you go shopping in the bigger shopping malls.... just in case.

4) It is legal for a hotel to call itself a 5-star hotel by its own standards.

5) put a few Cat High guys together and you will get a new trend sooner or later

thats it, i'm too tired to blog more

cisvol

Last month of the year!

2006-12-01T13:07:00.000+08:00

aspirations and hopes are meant to be fulfiled.
unless your Schizophrenic or delusional.
Are you?

Its that time of the year again!

Its been a year since i started blogging..... would like to thank all who have tagged/read my blog. I've tried made this blog lighthearted... but it seems to have a life of its own.

So its the holidays again, same as last year.

Except the homework, the stress, choir, and, did i mention homework? old joke, but yeah, tons of homework

Well, i'm not an OGL, but at least i dun have to hand in my homework a few days earlier.

The choir will be going to Malacca for a training festival thing on the 4dec to 7 dec. the schedule looks like.... workshop, rehersal ,dinner, concert, workshop.... you get the picture?

Well, it will be fun working on songs.... one of our SYF pieces is a jap song loosly translated as 'Summer has come'. A nonscencial song about a fleecy cloud.
pika-pika-no.
The choir has changed much... particularly with the leaving of the J2 and the new batch of J1s next year. As mentioned, change is invietiable. All we can do is keep whatever dying memories alive....

I've started to work on anagrams again, but this time i'm gonna use real words.

Looks like i caught a bug thats going around choir.... must rest, can't be sick during trip.

So thats all that i will blog for now.

with regards,
cisvol

m.a.[t.h+(k+1/a.s).e+d/s].s

2006-11-23T16:54:00.000+08:00

Things are only as difficult as you want them to be.
Maths teachers really like setting difficult questions

Since my previous post was a little boring, i would like to take this opportunity to blog about the maths (horrorible and terrifying and gothic halloweeny) peer tutoring.

sounds boring right?

let me give you abit more boring background:
Students were suppose to turn up on various dates to ask questions about their maths homework. which consisted of many questions. the perr tutees were suppose to hand in their complete solutions to the 38 questions marked with astericks.

firstly, one question takes approximately one hour.

And the questions were not really easy. Many, including myself [who was suppose to be tutoring] were stumped at the FIRST question.

So basically we sat at tables in class rooms. I sat with joe[from 18/06] for the second session [missed the first session hehe]. Was soon joined by the councillor from 18/06 who was also tutoring [think her name is spelled as Anuska... sorry! i can't even pronounce it....]. Sue Xian from 15/06 also joined us [sorry if i spelled another name wrongly].
Not to familiar with them all [esp the names], but horrible maths is a fantastic icebreaker.

After doing some functions questions [with snide comments on the general situation of maths], we graciously asked a teacher to explain an integration question. she began with," ok you start by......" then i lost her. she finished the question in like 5 minutes, which we had been trying to do for an hour. honestly it felt like she was slapping us with her explaination, which literally went right over our heads.

gosh they make things look simple.

So yes, in utter defeat we did the above algebra. Which should be easy to work out.

so on and on we plodded until we reached sequnces and series.

Ah, the need for imagination.

we are still in shock from the questions.. so well.... maths is more than it appeared to be............

yours campbell and reecey,
cisvol

chalet-ing, chalet-ting thru the rain....

2006-11-21T23:56:00.000+08:00

People rarely change their minds. Why?
Because we have to be accountable to ourselves for any decision.

Hello people.

Just returned from my first chalet 'trip' ever. Whee.

It was pretty obvious to me how much i've changed, since my pasted self's voice could be clearly hear in my head. Thankfully i didn't follow him.

In chrono of my stay at Costa Sands pasir ris:

i reached the unit S-11 at aproximally 6 pm..... after maths peer tutoring, choir, a walk in the rain, a long train ride, a bus ride, another walk in the rain, running around, calling adeline, running about abit more, and spotting some familiar faces.

We all sat around for a while until most of the people who were supposed to be here were here.

Then we went to downtown east for dinner. the jap food at the hawker centre seems nice. After talking and eating, some friends decided to go rent bikes for the night. I have no ideas about their subsequent adventures as i went to walk around the place with the others. Then straight backto the chalet to watch the TV and watch the class play mahjong and poker and concentration and......... etc? haha

Eventually at around 2 am.... i fell asleep........ apparently in a fetus position.....
Come on, i had a long day alright?

got woken up by some noises. Apparently some of my classmates were leaving for breakfast. I declined to join them.... but after changing, thought better of it. We caught up with the rest of the group at macdonalds.... which was surprisingly full. After our enjovable breakfast we went back to the chalet to see the people who had stayed up all night sound asleep. After joining them in blissful rest for awhile
[ yea i'm such a pig],
i went back to downtown to meet up with others for some pool and then a light lunch.
of chendol.
what was i thinking?

We went back to the chalet after that. [ slept again haha..... pigish] the girls completed their marination and packaging of the stingray for the barbecue.

At 5 pm we started to prepare for the bbq. Or rather, we tried unsuccessfully to ignite charcoal and cook some stuff over bad flames while the experts went swimming. somehow we still managed to burn stuff.
[i really am bad at making stuff which was meant to burn burn. Unfortunately not all things are meant to be burnt]

upon the return of the experts, a proper flame blazed and the barbeque went into full swing at about 7pm.

Whee. i was too scared to try what was apparently v.spicy stingray. unfortunatley i had to leave at around 7.30pm after the rest had arrived.

learning point from this: chalets are FUN!

yours sleepily,
cisvol

freedom?

2006-11-11T13:47:00.000+08:00

here it goes, again

hello people. one year of JC education is unexpectedly over

trust me, you don't want to ask me about homework.

Alright, here's what i have sheduled for looks like:
-choir
-lots of choir
-did i mention choir?
-bio olympiad
-hopefully OGL
-peer tutoring
-class chalet "used to spell it as 'shaley'"
-Service Learning
-IVLE learning
-ALL THAT MISERABLE HOMEWORK

gahgah.

as quoted from YT, we have no life

gah

well at least PW is over

after our oral presentation, we were told to send one group member down to a room to arrange all our exam documents.

And number each printed page BY HAND

not to mention some of the papers were DOUBLE SIDED

that was fun for a while

well thats it for now

going mugging,
cisvol

Freedom...... almost

2006-11-03T17:31:00.000+08:00

where wisdom and valor fail, all that remains is faith.
and it can overcome all.

hello

Chinese Alevel is over.

time to start working on OP.

Well JC is a rush after all...... but at least its fun.

Its not good if your falling asleep during an exam right?

Well.... its time to say something of significance

If ANYONE was offended by my last post, apologies for that. you probably are not used to the way i say stuff.

AND BEFORE ANYTHING STARTS: choir member B and whoever you are anonymous[sp], please do not start a flaming war on my tagboard. we are all entitled to our views: lets just put this small matter behind us.

Well, there is choir practise tommorrow, we'll be working on chinese sacred music..... hope i enjoy it.. cya ppl

with thoughts,
cisvol

promotion

2006-10-20T20:32:00.000+08:00

where are you going a year down the road?

Well, promo results are back. Congrats to all who passed..... and congrats to all who really tried!

my score without moderation: please don't kill me

GP H1: D
CL H1: E
Econs H1: S
Maths H2: A
Bio H2: A
Chem H2: A

Looks good? actually, as mentioned by 'some' already promoted, many others got better scores then me. Whom those 'some' know. Amusing. i dun really care.

Maybe i should give a brief description of what happened. Choir member A asked my grades. I told her. She then asked choir member B what she thought my grades would be. choir member B then sneered that i would never reveal my marks. i think choir member A tried to defend me and told him my marks. could see choir member B tense up. bad mistake on choir member A's part... but she meant no harm. I muttered to her that.

Choir member C who happened to be there then said that my grades were not that good as" i know people who scored better than u". Then choir member B commented" you should not go around telling your marks when people are having problems being promoted". i kept silent.

I would here like to bring up three points about the general student population clearly shown here.

One, there is a set of moral rules that all people who are 'in' must abide by, so as not to upset people around them. As shown by Choir Member B's statments, these rules contradict themselves at several points. So i decided to stick to the truth about my grades when asked. Of coz, then people who want to critise me will pick up whichever rule i went against.

Two, I assume Choir member B assumed i had told Choir Member A about my grades without her asking. This whole assumption thing. Of course: Assuming things leads to misunderstandings, and clarifying them will go against point number one. All it takes ... is one wrong assumption, and everything may be undone.

Three, Our dependance on frens: showed by choir member C. someone i know did this. a fren helped me. Yes . Interdependace allows the team to reach greater heights. But there will come a time when we have to depend on ourselves.

looking at point 2 and 3, its not hard to understand why we do badly during exams. Stripped of our friends, assuming certain wrong concepts..... we are bound to fail something.

So don't use point one against those who do 'well'.

must start working on my econs and Gp... both subject tutors are disappointed.

just a note though. Thank you choir member A. your the only one who bothered to be nice when you found out my results, next to lenin

both more stressed and relaxed,
cisvol

someday i will update my blog template. someday

2006-10-14T19:07:00.000+08:00

they say that the future is uncertain. It is not the future that is uncertain, it is the people who shape it that are uncertain. If you believe in something go for it.....

uncertain efforts lead to uncertain results

well, it has been a week.

I never thought a week would past so utterly fast and utterly tiring. Had choir day in day out... pfft.

Now then, i know i don't really belong in AJ, but that does nto stop me from trying to be a part.

Well, next week the applications for Orientation Group Leaders [OGLs] will be opened. I hope to join... but think my lack of tact will count heavily against me.

Ah well, must go back to doing some last minute editting of my PW WP now.

every day i meet people who dislike others for being who they are. If you ever ever repressed your personality, you would understand that there's no point trying to please anyone by being someoneelse. Hope you understand.

with dreams,
cisvol

its over

2006-10-05T11:58:00.000+08:00

wisdom is knowledge plus self-confidence minus ego.

Well, this is one moment i would like to record down.

1045am, 5 oct. the End of chem promo paper.

YES, i know i still have one more paper after this, but i really dun want to remember my chinese is horrible.

quick recap in reverse chrono.

chem paper was easier than expected, but still horribly difficult without looking the part. people staggering out of the exam hall. tired after 4 days of exam.

maths paper was described to us by our tutors as a an easy paper. i could not detect the scasism.....
if any. Oh the horror.... i guess they intended to kill us, really bad.

econs paper, as usual we rushed through and did not have time to finish even that. alas.

GP and bio paper same day. the Gp i think alot of those who did essay question 4 got it wrong.... including me. well... at least the compre was ok. For the poor bio paper, again the paper was meant to kill us by looking really hard, but was comparably easier then it looked... but still hard.

Yup thats it for those papers, nothing inspirational to say.

now for the rest of the time..... hmm.... For project work..... its kinda funny looking back at sec sch PW. For in JC PW, we're required to do more than discuss. we have to argue out our points, sometimes backing down, sometimes standing up for what we think. If i was my old self, i dun think i would have given my group members a chance to contribute. thankfully i did let them help ourselves... so much that i think i owe alot to them....
Hmm, considering that i didn't really want to work with them to begin with...... yea. But i dun think they would want to work with me now.

Ah well, must try pass my chinese twice more.... than i can throw it away............

with regards,
cisvol

my affinity to subjects>

2006-09-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

Biology

92%

Engineering

92%

Chemistry

92%

Psychology

83%

Sociology

83%

Mathematics

83%

Philosophy

75%

Anthropology

75%

Dance

50%

Journalism

50%

Theater

42%

English

42%

Linguistics

33%

Art

33%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

another quiz ...tagged by lenin

2006-09-02T00:25:00.000+08:00

NAME ONE BOOK WHICH YOU HAVE READ MORE THAN ONCE: Lord of the Rings. Got so obsessed with it then read it enough times to get bored with it. bugger.

NAME ONE BOOK YOU WANT ON A DESERTED ISLAND:Is this about a book we can't live without? If not i will gladly have "how to get off a freaking deserted island by some weird guy" IF its about a book i can't live without..... can i say the bible?

NAME ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU LAUGH: Investingating the Unexplained by Paul Roland. A book about the possibility of aliens, ancient space travel, pychic powers etc. Though parts of it make sense, this book trys to show different conflicting points of view. It made me laugh wondering why on earth they bother.

NAME ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU CRY: Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson. The diary in the story is written by a fictional woman to her son on how lucky her life is, to have him. the last entry was written by the father saying that the woman died of a heart attack at the wheel of a car, taking their son with her into the depths of a river. *sniff*

NAME ONE BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN: Campbell. then i will not have trouble remebering all the stuff in it.

NAME ONE BOOK YOU WISH HAD NEVER BEEN WRITTEN: Eh, Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler. 'Nuf said

NAME ONE BOOK YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING: oh no..... been trying to catch up on homework.... not reading anything now....

NAME ONE BOOK YOU HAVE BEEN MEANING TO READ: Campbeel, Darwin's Watch, any book that prepares you for "A" level bio.

NAME ONE BOOK THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE: The Journey by... darn forgot his name. i did not understand what large chapters of the book meant when i was an innocent young kid, but those were NOT the parts that changed my life. Just in case any perverted freak gets some ideas. The 7 stories that were told at the ending were inspiring....

TAG FIVE PEOPLE: hmm... Cheryl, Qing Wen, Yuan Ting, Chris, any one who reads this

vague-ness to the extreme

2006-08-30T15:29:00.000+08:00

Decisions are what make up who you are.

Wow, this blog is getting dusty.

So i'm posting now before another long break from blogging.

As a JC year one student, i will soon be preparing for my promotional exams. a.k.a. the horror we call the promos.

Do NOT ,ever ask a JC one if he/she is preparing for promos, unless of course you don't mind getting strangled.

being my age is ... tiring.

well, at least project work is... sort of ok.

though not my mother tongue

haha. I treasure the memories of my earlier years, cause i'm now a very different person. my dreams these nights so far have been happy, wonder what's going to happen next.

going back to my secondary school tommorrow. hope to meet some people there. It'll be nice to see them for who they are... for once.....

Well. Part of me is always disappointed with where i am now... for my abilities do not meet my wants. It often infurates me, that there are people out there who can do certain things to help those around them. but don't.

For one there's this classmate/fren of mine who's supposed to peer tutor other students. instead of walking around to check and mark their work.... she just sits there and does that work meant for them.

Yup, doing their work helps you understand that work more, yup, you can be shy, yup, you can be scared of teaching them wrongly, YES, you can choose to help people only after they ask you. but hey, i'm getting the impression your selfish. especially if you can do a far better job then me and cause less stress to everyone in the process.

Well.

its back to mugging for me...

never wanted to be one in the first place.

time to... rest before another race begins....

yours tiredly,

cisvol

a xiamen story

2006-07-29T14:08:00.000+08:00

really sorry z.k., for ripping off ur screen name.

sometimes you need to go away to find out what you have.

well, back from xiamen and the world choir games.

whee

the first day there was fun... new experiences, new scenary.... alot of new things

then of course the stress of the competition kicked in. For once i had a common goal with the others..... so i really fitted in.

for a while.

We practice hard. we tried our best. Then of course something happened on stage and we nearly screwed up.

big ouch.

When everyone around you is depressed... its hard not to get affected. for some weird reason i was not upset at our performance... even though i was sure we were going to lose.....

the pain of seeing some people cry.

the next day was..... interesting. considering that some people got drunk after the competition.... but no. we did not go and act like idiots on our sightseeing tour.

we acted like idiots inside the hotel.... as there was a typoon and everything was cancelled. it was fun screaming Binama in the hotel, and then the typoon alert thing went down from orange to yellow.

ah the power of music.

of course i am abit sick of chinese right now..... but it was interesting listening to them trying to speak english. wonderful horror

then of course came the awards ceramony. everyone was holding hands when it came to the catergory we were in...... since they announced from the bottom up, when they announce the first gold, it meant that we at least got a gold. we were all cheering....

then of course they said it was time to announce the grand champion.

and our choir's name had not been announced.

going from depression to joy was an incredible feeling. then running onto the stage to sing the national anthem. wow. we were the only winners who were not wearing a 'uniform'... so it was a flash of colour..... everyone laughing and crying with joy....

well.

so the next day was our last morning in xiamen. and everyone was sleeping due to exhaustion from... i dunno... partying? i slept the earliest i think.

funny though... walking around in the morning looking for someone... then i realised that everyone was all over the place.... gals in guys rooms and guys in gals room....

goodness i think i scared alot of people..... walking into their unlocked rooms.... lol. i'm sorry..... well. ok. i could not recognise any of you when you were asleep so basically my search was in vain.

at least i finally managed to do some shopping on the last day. basically i also had the chinese word for hope craved onto a 'stamp'.... but was too much in a rush to actually have it packed. haha... but i did some shopping with the gals while the guy was carving the thing.... unfortunatly. i did not have enough time to get everyone something.

someone called Karen is angry with me.

urgh.

sigh.

we were all exhausted on the flight back.... well this trip has given me alot to think about....

maybe thinking about somethings is a bad idea.....

yours thoughtfully,

cisvol

question marks

2006-07-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

Don't dream too much, it'll hurt when you wake up.

ok, how did i manage to put up such an optimistic post yesterday?

for one, the situation is far worse than i imagined. Look at my tagboard. my SL wanting to test me everyday. not good.

for two, i think i miscalculated how much time i have left.

for three,i am really completely extremely exhausted. i went to sleep yesterday at 7pm and woke up at 6.45am still feeling tired.

for four, i am in such a bad mood that i want to waste time recording it down on my blog.

relaxation time is over.... time to pick up the slack!

backspin

2006-07-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

Don't say someone sets really high goals, say you don't believe you can achieve your full potential :-)

well, back to post after common test.... WELL its the first major test in JC life... what did u expect me to get?

Hmm. from my analysis of the results.... the papers require mugging alot (in AJC this mean not doing anything else but mug).
to be honest, i was horrified when i realised i had lost my mugging streak.

well, i have to go, got alot of things to do. World choir games in around a week, an a ton of homework. Let the contest begin.

still searching,

cisvol

interesting

2006-07-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 60%

Envy: 40%

Greed: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You will die while sleeping - and no one will notice.

answers .... too?

2006-06-21T16:05:00.000+08:00

i think an old post of mine was also titled answers..... ah well

will you give up happiness for material gain?

well, today Boon Teck asked me to go AISS ask my juniors to come for AJC choir DSA. i think i looked at him as though i was absolutely shocked, cause Long Teng started laughing.... well.

if your juniors put up a hate blog about you, with bended truth in it.......

ok.

i was an idiot in the past. the present if different. but you, my juniors, still make me feel like a ghost when i come back to AISS. haha.... maybe its coz i dun come back much, too many bad memories.

on a lighter note, i think some people have ... mis-uncoded the nick i m using now.

my fault - it is purly coincidence that cisvol backwards is lovsic.

Encoding stuff backwards is..... sort of below me....its an anagram people!

haha... btw... yuan ting took less than a minute to decode it correctly, then another minute to come up with alternative anagrams....

she's good.

well, common test and then world choir games.... so i will not be posting much for say.... 2 weeks?

so goodbye for now.

yours hopefully,

cisvol

order

2006-06-18T15:44:00.000+08:00

fear is a powerful and dangerous tool. will you use it?

Well, time to get my notes in order and start some serious mugging. Ow my head.

And when all this exams is over its time to prepare for world choir games.

more ouch.

hmm, life basically is still the same for me these days. Its getting annoying. I really am sick with my mom's "son u are an idiot and can't be trusted" attitude. She really expect too much from me. Just my luck, having a mom who desires perfection from me AND total control over my personality.

It sometimes surprises me that i can stand her personal attacks on me.

haha, but its time to study, time to prioritise and time to put stuff in order.

hoping that this nick will become a lie,

cisvol

another quiz

2006-06-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

how nice yuan ting, how nice

And to make it easy for the poor people who will be sabohed by me, here's the original quiz:"Decide on 20 random people. Preferably 10 gals and 10 gals. Don't read the questions until you decide on the 20 people. There is no ranking in the number. Just random. And tag 5 people to do this survey. Ready? Start!"
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
1. How did you meet 14?
2.What would you do if you never met 1?
3.What would you do if 20 and 9 date?
4. Do you ever like 19?
5. Will 6 and 17 make a great couple?
6. Describe 3.
7. Do you think 8 is attractive?
8. Say something about 7.
9. Do you know any of 12's family?
10. What's 3's favourite?
11. What would you do if 18 confess his/her love for you?
12. What language does 15 speak?
13. Who is 9 going out with?
14. How old is 16 now?
15. When is the last time you talk to13?
16. Who is 2's favourite singer or band?
17. Would you ever date 4?
18. Would you date 7?
19. Is 15 single?
20.What's 10 last name?
21. Would you be in serious relationship with 11?
22. What school does 8 goes to?
23. Where does 6 live?
24. What's your favourite thing about 5?
25. Have you ever seen 17 naked?

Decide on 20 random people. Preferably 10 gals and 10 gals. Don't read the questions until you decide on the 20 people. There is no ranking in the number. Just random. And tag 5 people to do this survey. Ready? Start!"

Yuan Ting(AJ)
Yee Yan(AJ)
Hui Ting (AJ)
Fang Wen(AISS)
Hui Ting(AJChoir)
Qing Wen(AJChoir)
Bevelry(AJChoir)
Joey(AJChoir)
Nellyn(AJ)
Daniel(church)
Shu Fen (AISS)
Raj (AISS)
Rosie(AJ)
Yee keong(AJ)
Esther(church)
Dixon (AJ)
Gladis (AJChoir)
Simon(AISS)
Esther(AJ)
Andrew(AJ)

1. How did you meet 14?

Yee Keong? crap, long story. ok i personally got to know him when i sat beside him in sec3. and i have been in the same class as him ever since.

2.What would you do if you never met 1?

Yuan Ting?hmm.... i would still be me? can't really think up of anything.... perhaps my chinese would be worse....

3.What would you do if 20 and 9 date?

Andrew and Nellyn? hmm.... sounds like a nice combination. I would... hmm.... tease nellyn about it and make sure yee yan does not kill her .[insider info needed to understand me]

4. Do you ever like 19?

Esther? not really, found her a little annoying..... we get along well as friends, but nothing more please.

5. Will 6 and 17 make a great couple?

wow! Gladis and Qing Wen! perfect chance for revenge! since coincidence has handed me this........ well i would say they would get along better than friends should.... if they spent more time with each other.
[more insider info required]

6. Describe 3.

well. Hui Ting [note, the hui ting from 01/06 not the one from choir]. She keeps up a pretty tough exterior, has alot of zest for life and likes smiling.

7. Do you think 8 is attractive?

Joey? He's a guy? How am i suppose to answer this? I'll leave it blank... but i'll say its not surprising if he has a gf.

8. Say something about 7.

Bevelry? well, she really likes saint andrew's.

9. Do you know any of 12's family?

Raj? nope

10. What's 3's favourite?

hui ting? BOOKS!!!!!

11. What would you do if 18 confess his/her love for you?

Simon? i'll say i'm not gay and commit suicide cause something has gone terribly wrong WITH THE WORLD.

12. What language does 15 speak?

Esther? English. to me at least.

13. Who is 9 going out with?

Nellyn? her imaginary fiends?

14. How old is 16 now?

Dixon? I think he's 17, i'll ask genim. [more insider stuff]

15. When is the last time you talk to 13?

Rosie. yesterday. on msn. sorry again for .....

16. Who is 2's favourite singer or band?

Yee Yan? i really dun know sorry?

17. Would you ever date 4?

Fang Wen? I. never. date. guys. NEVER.

18. Would you date 7?

bevelry? I won't rule out the possibility.

19. Is 15 single?

Esther? I think so....

20. What's 10 last name?

Daniel? Sim.

21. Would you be in serious relationship with 11?

Shu Fen? Nice gal, it might work out, but... have no feelings for her so no.

22. What school does 8 goes to?

Joey? AJC.

23. Where does 6 live?

Qing Wen? Not sure but definatly within Singapore.

24. What's your favourite thing about 5?

Hui Ting? her energy?

25. Have you ever seen 17 naked?

Gladis? NO. Qing Wen, please stop assuming i did.
[more insider info]

expected

2006-06-08T18:41:00.000+08:00

What will you do when your world just completely collapses? they say its a test of your self-confidence and esteem. i think i failed .

Well, should have expected.... happiness for me never lasts long.... but i was really hoping this day would never come, that i could finally change my blog title.... to something like 'luck changed for the better'

but its all just a dream

sorry Rosie, i frankly just blew up at you. thankfully it was over msn.

again

One big sorry to Rosie of 19/06. i hope this will never happen again

The only obvious way the prevent this from happening is .... trying to be depressed all the time

yeah, cruel fate.

sigh, well i promised myself not to sigh on this blog again. guess i inheritted abit of my mom's fickleness towards promises.

must. continue. to. keep. my. promises.

well, now it is time to measure ourselves against what life has to offer. frankly, i will not perform up to expectations this time. for those expectations are built around a person who no longer exist.

goodbye, whatever constituted as my life of dreams. hello, the storm of reality.

i expect this is going to be a challenge; but i am going to walk into it with my head held high.

for better or for worse,

cisvol

empty

2006-06-07T15:11:00.000+08:00

what makes you 'you'?

well, ok , i should be studying right now. but hey... not a good time.

my brain is as empty of facts as mars is empty of life

so, met matilda on my way to school, whee, was nice seeing her... but i am not so sure what she's hinting at.....

suddenly, in lecture thearte four, i felt... empty, alone, tired

well.... that means i'm back to normal

whee

as the people reading this blog know, i really like someone in AJC choir alto section. goodness stop guessing! hahaha

well, must try study. thanks for reading! please tag

for the emptiness we see in our lives is the space that our friends fit in. =]

cisvol

surprise

2006-06-06T21:20:00.000+08:00

is truth how we percieve things? then since we all percieve things differently, are there different truths?

well, I am basically trying to bLog more since i am in a good mood....

its sort of a surprise to go back for make-up lectures and find out hOw much u'Ve changed in a week

haha. wonder how long it will takE for the homework blues to catch Up... but.....

enjoy while it last.

had some completely random dreams these days. hurts to try recall them all.... ok.... trying.... o yeah! this morning i dream that i was in maths lecture, but when i was waking up, i thought i was falling asleep in the maths lecture.

urgh, yeah i know my grammer need improving.

whee!

yup i know i freaked out some of my classmates, hope it was a nice surprise!

hmm.... now would be a good time to spring some sort of surprise.... but i've got none....

haha

sometimes we think we know everything, then suddenly something gives us a surprise....

cisvol

full stop

2006-06-05T18:17:00.000+08:00

Would your rather be good at doing something naughty or bad at doing something nice?

welllll.............. my dreams of a better life are so different from reality.... but who cares

now, sir kewi,the knight of Siglap south, the one with marvellous girth, is going away on a noble quest to aid TPJC choir in some overseas competition. What hath overcometh my tongue to speakth such?

Never mind

well, so no choir tomorrow= math lecture, econ lecture and make-up Physical training tomorrow. now it is time for a slight pause, a full stop in the story of my life. then it is time to record my agony of catching exam fever, and hopefully recovering.

but it also might be the full stop before i fall really sick and miss the world choir games and my promo- but i'm just hallucinating.

So ... full stop. time to catch your breath before one super long story.

cisvol

the quest

2006-06-04T16:36:00.000+08:00

the more you see, the more you don't know; the more you think, the more questions you find ; the more you feel, the more you you blind yourself.....

wow, i'm blogging more often....
thanks for tagging people!
hmm.... yeah i should mention i love anagraming stuff and using them as names..... i prefer it if you don't try decode....
sigh.... i know your trying to decode it about right now.... haha......whatever.......
hmm.... apparently the tagged game meme thing is starting to go in circles.... and hit some dead ends... nvm
hmm... i seem to be 'hmm'ing alot..... haha.... ok better go now....
we are all on a quest called our lives. we seek for the many things that may bring us and those around us joy, love, friendship, money, careers.....
ciSvOl poHeYen WAriDgren

shattered dreams

2006-06-02T19:55:00.000+08:00

most people insist that bad memories should be forgotten. i beg to differ.Bad memories are the only way we learn, like how not to take things for granted.

Well. Much has changed since i first blogged in december 2005. then i thought it was time to get out of my shell... to try trust people, to move out of the protective cage my parents had chained me in.....

lol. call me stupid but sometimes i wish i still was that annoying secondary 1 student.... things would be different

let me imagine what my life would be if i lived that way....

1. i would be getting better grades
2. i would be in a CCA like project eureka, alot more relaxed
3. i would be so fustrated with myself, with noone to help me
4. My project work would already be completely
5. everyone would hate me [ok if someone hates me now they would hate me even more]
6. i would not have so many friends
7. i would be taking physics
8. i would still say choir sucks
9. i would think cat high is heaven
10. i would backstab like ..... all the time

well.... tomorrow there's still choir... so i better catch up on stuff....

cya people, plz tag.

ciSvOl poHeYen WAriDgren

wonder why i am doing this

2006-05-31T23:56:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately, someone "tagged" me..why cheryl why?
ok so here are the instructions:
1. The tagged victims have to come up with eight different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there's no need to do this AGAIN.
5. Lastly, most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

ok

gender: lacking y-chromosome
1. has heart [do the synonyms yourself]
2.honest
3.pays attention to surroundings
4.comfortable being herself
5.fun-loving
6.responsible
7. enjoys my company
8.likes LOTR

ok.... now my victims....
1.kai ting
2.sumitha
3.shufen
4.saritha
5.qing wen
6.nellyn
7.bevelry
8.yu hui

dun ask me why i only picked one guy... i have no idea myself

change...NOW!

2006-05-27T15:02:00.000+08:00

the ability to change is one of our greatest gifts, too bad we don't have something to tell us when to.

OK.
finally, it is the holidays, i have gotten mostly over my depression, i have time to catch up or slow down, things are looking up for me, i have friends to be with, and i got new specs.
yeah the last statement looks a little out of place......
but hey, that mean i no longer need to use my blog to vent my fustrations.
now i have no idea what to type.
hmm....
ok.... maybe i'll talk about today
woke up with a shock realising i had choir, rushed down and turned up on time [yeah i'm lucky]
haha, but those basses in AJchoir started bitching at me for [i think] somehow messing up my hair.. i think they finally noticed i got new specs...
haha.... thats why i prefer to hang around the altos
but i really have to stop giving hints that i like someone in their section, those gals are really quick at thinking
haha
on the way home a fren of mine commented that anyone who dislikes me must be crazy...
ok wipe that look of shock off your face
well yeah ... i sort of agree with her to a certain extent [too much social studies]
but most of my frens have never seen my selfish side, hope they never have to...
haha, speaking of friends, one of them asked me why i like mellryn so much. that moment i was lost for words. sigh
well, hope mellryn will come to like me..... hope i m not just dreaming...
haha.... must keep spirits up....
time to do HMWK... cya people

flash: one week jus passed

2006-05-19T18:39:00.000+08:00

what will you do if that special someone asks you to go for someone else

man experiencing technical difficulties... i'll fix it someday
lost all my econs stuff, common test gonna fail, gonna get kicked out of choir for not doing chinese homework, and many other things......
ow
for one thing, gladis gave me some advice on mellryn, which sounds really like the advice matilda gave on yu hui.... somethings you can't hear more than once without freaking out.
so.... my life goes on....... on the path to self destruction....
some people would dearly love to see me lose... Yup i know i got like that word emblazed on my forehead.... but its sort of only visible to ego-istic losers....
lol.... for those people who don't care bout my opinion i wonder why your reading this.... still looking for ways to make me look like an idiot right?
haha..... sort of in an emotional upset.... i can't keep my feeling for u hidden anymore, mellryn.... it just hurts toooo much.... hope you don't generalise all guys ... i don't exactly fit into the discription.....
i just realise mellryn will probably not read this,
ouch.
must. watch. obsession. level.. do. not. push. your. luck.
why does my heart hurt so bad?

whirlwind

2006-05-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

will you pick yourself up, if you know that you will keep falling?

Well..... life is ok.

my grades are falling, choir is killing exhausting me, and i am not getting on well with my schoolmates. not that AJC students are weird or anything.... i just feel out of place.....

Chinese homework is killing me too....

time is running out for me... can't sleep or think properly.....

all i can do is wish upon a shooting star............

balance

2006-04-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

You can't force yourself to love someone,but can you force yourself not to love?

well... last week i made the mistake of pushing myself to the limit on monday's PE session.... then died HORRIBLY on tuesday's PE.... well.... for one i am rather weak, but i was not the only one complaining... i feel so sorry for my afternoon PE teacher, having to put up with worn-out students like me......

wow... i have started writing some stuff online..... the third post is taking WAY long..... give me some time.... thanks norbert for helping!

as usual i have tons of homework.. but have no mood to go study.

sometimes i wish i was in a poly.....

exshausted

2006-04-08T15:39:00.000+08:00

dreams tell us many things: are u willing to listen?
wow wat a week

its seems that i am running out of energy... but must try keep up.....

tis week was the first time i had PE lessons proper... on 2 consecutive day.... OUCH! i offically dislike monday and tuesday.

the homework is starting to pile up too.... better get back to it.....

slowing down.... b4 the longest sprint

2006-04-01T19:05:00.000+08:00

you only know what something is worth when u lose it
lol.... nice day.... alot has happened

sigh.... still so tired!!!!!!

i am sort of missing church on saturday for choir practice........ feel so bad.....

then i played a stupid trick on Nellyn...... srry.......... all the caps locks were fake........ at least i hope their fake ..............

sobsob...........

ah well ..... those weird dreams are starting again..... where i wake up with incomplete memory of them........ and what i recall fades like dust being blown off the floor..........

ah well.... tired.... and have homework......

blog again next time

speeding up

2006-03-26T15:19:00.000+08:00

stay true to urself, otherwise you'll always be lying

wow what a week!

firstly choir is going into high gear, sch work going into high gear, everything going into high gear.....

u get the picture

sigh.... too much to say so little time......

destinations are not final

2006-03-17T14:06:00.000+08:00

hope for tommorow, act for the day after
sigh, just came back from choir camp..... still feel slightly misplaced there.... but i hope that feeling shall fade

just came back home, n went to bed.. then out of nowhere my mom starting yelling at me....

i don't know for certain.... something in me just cracked.... i just started crying into my pillow and somehow my mom did not notice.... its weird to come back from a camp where everyone treats you as a human being ..... when your mom treats you as a robot.....

sigh.... my mom just confiscated my computer headphones again... claiming i will not have time to use them as i am suppose to study when i get home once term starts.....

SOMETIMES I WONDER WHAT A NORMAL LIFE WOULD BE LIKE

moving on

2006-03-13T11:24:00.000+08:00

life is getting harder for me.... its the holidays so i will hav to put up with my parents....

frankly they seem to be getting better...... but whether they really are or not is another matter......

well.... i am rushing this i have choir later.....

still can't believe i joined choir..... and none of the songs we're learning are in english......

life

as we all know myfirst 3 months in ajc were scary enough.... now i have to add project work and choir to my jugglings.....

haha..... i seem to get on better wth ppl when we're jus frens.....

progress on elanor/niphredil prob: ok

hope always springs..... but wells will always one day run dry..... ........ the trick is to find the ones that last the longest

days

2006-03-07T19:16:00.000+08:00

Lol…. Posts over d past dew days…..
5/3
I wonder about my life…….

Even now I have to use word to write out my blog entries, then wait for an opportunity to paste it into my blog…

This is weird… my life at last is starting to feel normal, then I walk home everyday and am reminded…. I will never ever gain freedom like everyone else.

I really wish to have a chance to work outside, to have a chance to go to a polytechnic course…. But all this is too late…. Jae results have come out…. I doubt there is a system for jc students to appeal to poly.

I will have to make the most out of what I have again….. which is not much. Now my mom is freely cutting my internet whenever she wants…. Believeing she has the full rights to restrict me. She insist that she has total control, that I do not need to email my friends…. Technically I m using msn messenger…. But I don’t dare tell her

She has lost her mind…. All I can do is try treat her as a normal person…. But its getting harder just to listen to her….. no parent has the right to insult their child…. I have to grin and bear with it……

I am not a machine to churn out good results, I am not a person who can live on books alone….. I am a person….. I need friends and family too….. and I never had parents who truly love me….. it hurts…… but again I have to make the most of it……

I still have no idea why I am going on….. all I can do is hope that someday all this will change……

6/3
Well… life goes on……

I at least was smiling d whole of today…. Lol….

Fell flat on my face during an orientation game…. But otherwise I m feeling v.ok…. but our groupings should be dissolved in 4days

At least my problems are not really that major……

I am sort of getting wake up calls….. people from my church telling me that I seem dead quiet… almost angry….. and a friend just told me that being positive means u have a positive environment… well…. I am listening….. some new day is approaching.

Haha…. I am sort of getting used to the fact my mom is crazy…. She just claimed that I will get sick by staying up after 10pm again. What can I expect… she does not even in her wildest dreams imagine that she is driving me to my grave…. Literally…. I keep falling sick from all that pressure she gives… to study to work hard…. Always comparing me with 7-pointers in my church….. I know 我心不在焉…. But what can I do? This is my last line of defense before I run away from home…..

What do you consider destiny? Destiny is truly out of our hands…. Control is never something that belonged to us…. All we can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us….

7/3
Wow….. today orientation was fun…. It was nice winning for a change…..

Haha… sigh…. This morning someone who reminded me of elanor came and sat near me to talk to our friend…..

YUP I KNOW I AM SUPPOSE TO BE TRYING TO GET OVER HER

Lol…. That gal really reminded me about elanor…. I dunno why I suddenly felt v.sad……. ah well…. The good news is that that means I don’t like another gal who’s probably gonna reject me anyway….. haha

YUP I KNOW I SOUND DEPRESSED…. GET USED TO IT APPEARANCES CAN BE DECIEVEING …… haha

Well…. That’s all I am gonna post for now……

truth is the most powerful weapon..... but it keeps stabbing us in the back

sick

2006-02-24T17:20:00.000+08:00

well.... sort of sick for the past few days... took an mc.... sigh

now i m better... but some other pains just refuse to go away.........

i feel cursed, starting to lose faith that there is some purpose for me to go through this.......

lol.... i sort of wish chinese was still a requirement for jc L1R5.... so tat i will not get into a jc... so that i can go to a poly.... so i can have a life..
cya for now

)^(
love: it creates laughter, tears, anger, determination, mistakes and commitments....
)^(

stuck

2006-02-19T15:26:00.000+08:00

lol...... ysterday... my grandmother's birthday... my older cousin snuck away with my hp.... saw my outbox... told me her opinion..... tat i was being stupid.... tat someone was also stupid..... i kinda got realli upset....

i have no idea what to do.. stuck between a rock and a hard place.... wonder if she reads tis..... i think i m gonna do really bad for my chem common test...........

what happened to me? i used to be able to get over these kind of things......

now....then.... past.... future.........

2006-02-17T20:28:00.000+08:00

well..... another second another minute another hour another day another week has passed......

now it seems..... everytime i smile..... a voice inside reminds me..... what's the point what's ur purpose in life what can you do what is ur hope why do you hope ur a hopeless loser u have lost everything..... yup no punctuation.... tats how it feels like.... over n over in my head........

i know what i do seems hopeless.... that i seem idiotically stubborn....
but i would rather fight a hopeless battle against chance.... then just give up and say that you all are losers.......

sigh... something wrong wth my phone... so no pics.....

everything seems to want to give up on me......

my bro is disturbing me again................

Y DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO HAVE SUCH MOMENTS WHEN IT SEEMS EVERYTHING SUCKES!!!!

2006-02-16T19:00:00.000+08:00

well..... haha... i feel like an idiot.... i got scolded today for not really doing my chinese hmwk....

well... first things first i have some problems understanding d questions.... haha

but back to y i feel like an idiot.... i had more than just a sudden burst of optimism on valentine's day... expected shu fen to scold me for u-know-what.... but hahaha... got more than a few encouragements....

unfortunately as is the way with life..... every bright light is followed by moments in darkness..... on 15 i just started feeling way depressed... got sick of my life...... wondered what my life should be like.....

i really pushed too far with the most impt person in my life..... i don't know if she was touched or jus really pitied me...... i don't dare msg her for the time being.... not sure if i will hurt her or not..... sigh...

i wish i could say srry ..... but tat would mean msging her... n all i hav now is just enuf time to type this out..... have to try work thru my chinese...

tat was close my bro....

bye

o lvl results

2006-02-13T10:11:00.000+08:00

haha.... well managed to do quite well.....

wanted to take pics but ppl started crying..... so no pics of elanor, shu fen, ms ng, etc......

but well here r d nicer pic of d cross country, letures etc.... if ur not staying in aj 1706 i will not forget u.....

more pics

2006-01-27T16:01:00.000+08:00

i assure all viewers that the pics are an attempt to potray how some ppl look lik every day..... not to make fun of them.....

some other pics were just too cheezy.......
haha

well.... my life is getting more and more stressed
i love u elanor
perhaps i shld go..... n study........

zzz.....chem hmwk

2006-01-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

lol..... maybe more about my life now..... well shu fen not true xiao hui has been embrassing me..... lol..... now everyone in class knows how to annoy me enuf to make me lose control of my anger.........

haha... but on d whole life is getting better..... minus PE lessons..... haha

i think joyce will be interested to watch this.... warning long loading time

another thing......my class has to do some angel mortal game rght? wonder who my angel is....... but whoever it is.... srry i m permanently broke one.......

lol....... i feel so messed up......

pics from my class...not fair onli 4 guys one missing.....

2006-01-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

charmaine, xiao hui amd peishan........

from left: joyce, hui hui, shu fang, weiyu[covering her face....]

foreground sitting on table: joyce
from left in background: xuvin, sisca,fariha, veronica, nisa

background with camera handphone:andy

from top left n in clockwise manner:

yi ping, jaysern, rachael, jin yu

srry srry...cousins shoo!!!!!

2006-01-21T20:00:00.000+08:00

lol...... guess i offended a few ppl last friday.... in sch..... i even brushed off a person who was asking bout this blog....... srry i was in a bad mood.....

YES i m luke aka skywalker aka dakras aka Lrin aka vinas aka unase aka delif aka ombre aka nambi ....lol.... n tis is a blog about my life

lol...

i wish d title colour could b changed

2006-01-14T19:55:00.000+08:00

haha... gd news is tat my room com is up so i can blog during the weekend when my bro is distracted..... haha

now at least i am settling into AJC... i.e. i m starting to get stressed

lol... i literally am having problems with my digestive system reacting to the constant output of adrenaline.... uncomfortable....

well.... for our college teachers..... i can say they expect alot from us.....its stress for better or for worse..... at least they can impart knowledge well..... haha..... word of warning to all who plan to enrol into a junior college.... u are expected to have the passion to find knowledge ....

well...mayb i will blog more tomorrow....

2006-01-10T09:57:00.000+08:00

firstly hi to all from ciclon: viento!! whoooo!!!!

lol... tis is a site where i talk about everything tat is depressing me, impressing me, and watever else......mostly crap but haha... tag me if u want me to link to ur blogs.......

lol.... and then i thought it was alright to be optimistic.....

haha....yesterday was the first real day of lessons..... i m so lucky no longer taking physics!!!!!! but....

i already can feel the stress...most people ca just shake it off with the help of frens n family.... but i don't realli hav any.....

lol...its not tat no one cares.... people lik long teng ,my parents , cheryl and such might...... but i don't know how on earth it is tat when they try help me they make my life horrid....... its so unfair.....

lol....of coz there are too ppl i can connect with..... but.... lol these people either are not close to me or refuse to be......lik elanor... can't believe i still like her...i jus hang on n hope
my life seems destined to be tis weird, i hope it is not

enough of complaining....haha....now i hav to go spend d rest of today...hoping for tmr...

2006-01-07T11:19:00.000+08:00

hello again......

originaly i wanted to blog about d fun 4 days i spent in JC...away from my mom...but something has jus reached me.....with bad news.....bad news not for me but for her ...elanor jus broke up wth ryan
i should be happy.....i should at least know tat i hav a chance...but

it hurts to see her like this..especially since i did not notice tat message for a few hours......since i can't help her....since i know some wounds cannot heal completely.....

but let us talk of happier things...

lol..... at AJC things have been going ok for me..... at least i can fit in a little....

n our OG is at total internal peace!!!!!!!!!

lol...AJC is kinda cool.....i ran into ppl from choir exchange programs, sec sch,pri sch,tuition classes and church.....quite alot huh?

lol, i hav to go....n spend d weekend wth my parents......

2006-01-02T14:20:00.000+08:00

well....its a new year....lol

now my time online will be cut so i need to plan out somethings

hence forth i will blog maybe once a fornight for saftey reasons
since i will hav to stay wth my mom i must therefore curry favour.....there goes my life......
thanks to timing problems if u see me online its a miracle
i will thus give my user n pass to my blog account to Celebrian just in case of emergencies
in extreme cases of emergency in which i m required to run away from home i would probably go search for Tinuviel
in worse case scenario i.e. i m thking of suicide i will call Elanor
thus far i will have to be silent to my cousins for i do not wish a repeat of dec31-2005[srry guys]

phew....now the only safe method of communication is thru my handphone......coz my mom has no idea how to use it

next point.....if u want to know wat happened on dec31-2005 ask shufen

now in d forseeable future i can expect my life to be horrible.....lol

2005-12-30T18:58:00.000+08:00

well.......as usual...nothing much to do ....... lol....

for one thing i m glad some ppl [or most ppl] i know r going to AJC.... coz i will not hav to go ruin my image again.....lol

well ysterday i went for a small church gattering....lol.... spent sometime away from my parents.... realised i m d onli sec 4 there who does not know how to play taiti...i thk its spelled tat way.....lol

personally.... i feel my mom did not really grow up.... she still behaves like a teenager....i personally don't like it... because she expects everything to go her way.....

its a day away from the new year....well ..... perhaps i shld make some resolutons....

2005-12-27T18:39:00.000+08:00

lol..... guess i m d onli one who's wu liao enuf to blog every other day.....

lol.... today i did some of my bro's holiday assignments coz my bro said he could not get d answers..... so there i was ...using my calculator n AISS full-scap paper..... brought back another onslaught of memories.....

frankly i can't wait for sch to start so it can take my mind off these problems......

haha

wish i had something to occupy my time..... lol...i hav been bored enuf to discover d best way to get d broken look on a piece of Lego was to chew it..... gross but effective.......

its slowly getting harder to eat for me....my nerves are removing my appetite n it has dawned on me tat with every mouthful i am giving up my freedom......

i don't know wat you guys and gals think....... but it seems to me... tat its unfair for any gal to date me..... i can nv even get flowers for her...... lol......i guess i m a 'born loser' to most gals out there......sigh.....but maybe I am wrong....

usually the church is a source of comfort.... a hope for tommorow.... a light in d darkness of my life...... but if u read d bible closly.... one of d most important things to do after becoming a christian is to preach the gospel .... but I have not really accomplished much in this field.....

the noose draws in further...... i m frantically sawing on d rope.... closly missing my neck with every blow.......

2005-12-26T17:58:00.000+08:00

well..... no one's online.....sigh....

i was in a gd mood ysterday bcoz i thought i had a happy christmas....

then i had to talk to some ppl bout how they spent their christmas

pretty stupid huh?wy can u fill sf in bout mishel(findulas)?
well.... can't say it was a miserable christmas...i helped out at my church.... enjoyed a long time on d com.....managed to talk to some ppl close to me...... but.....

sigh..... i m alone.........findulas is far away...
and some ppl got to spend time wth their loved ones......
and some ppl had parties
and some ppl could go out to giv others presents
and some ppl's younger bros were less annoying
and all i could do was enjoy a silent dinner of take-aways wth my parents

my mom believes tat d internet is making me more rebellious.... so she is cutting my time on d net.....i keep trying to sneak on after 10pm....

d noose is drawing in tighter..... i hope i can cut it b4 i suffocate.........

merry xmas!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-25T20:05:00.000+08:00

lol...... hi ppl.....

thankfully i m better...was feeling ill ysterday....

lol....mayb i shld make some predictions for d new year.....

okok...... one of u readers is gonna meet someone from ur past.... n hopefully an important part of ur future......

another one of u is going get a special surprise from.... someone who finds u important.....mayb ur gonna find tat guy of ur dreams
some incident tat still haunts one of u today will vanish..... frenship may be build over old wounds........

lol........ tag me if anything happens.....my d Lord GOD protect us into d new year

2005-12-21T14:48:00.000+08:00

haha.....

life goes on.......

wth me lying at home while ppl like sf go out enjoying life......

its uncomfortable, i know my life sux......

haha..... i feel so sick.....

well...my list on d positives on my life [click here] comes up 10 short of d negative list [click here] for now..... i hope to add on d positive list

2005-12-19T13:32:00.000+08:00

Srry ppl....was in a bad mood.....

technically i m still in a bad mood...so nvm

hmm..... wat did i miss out ysterday.......

erm srry sf..... mayb i did not make myself clear on 16 dec post...... i came back onli for my results then went back...... n I M IN AJC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol

i m probably gonna suffer 4 d nxt few years coz my chinese sux..........

haha....n yeah i agree wth all d tags on sf's blog........... it looks fantastic!!!!!!!!!

haha

if i don't see u ppl online within a few days i m probably gonna implode...... my parents are slowly becoming intoleratable..... but its me who has changed....... for better or for worse

haha

i have finished work on tat list.....its below coz i started working on it sometime ago.... or look under recent post.... d one tat goes[ i can't belive i'm doing tis.....]

n yeah y u shld not watch chicken little more than once
cya ppl............

if u can read tis o crap.................

2005-12-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

okok, start with d obvious...... i m back again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol

haha..... srry no pic my bro lost my dad's digital cam....... lol can don't use my name plz ...... use dakras...... my parents are strict

n to state d obvious my life still sux

lol

wow..... i read ur blog sf...... erm...... technically d ppl are jus comparing ur blood samples to check how much genes affect our health...... i m betting on genes..........

lol.... i try stay online...but my parents..... haha cya ppl

2005-12-16T17:33:00.000+08:00

I can't believe i m doing this.........

reasons i will choose to live this way again
[i know its mostly crap but.... i need it to b comparable wth d other list]

i know where i'm going,n whom i'm gonna see... i hav a fren named jesus,waiting there for me... he has given me something,that onli he can giv...... he gav his life in payment, so tat i could live [i hope i quoted d hymn correctly]
i don't hav to worry bout my physical needs
i don't need to worry bout anybody [my parents are totally concerned bout themselves]
i have been locked up wth books since young so i m well read
i still hav a will of my own though my mom has tried to make me thk tat i m jus an extension of her
i hav much time alone to thk n reflect
thx to my mom i m not obsessed wth any pop star ,music ,comic book, com game, etc
my life is slowly becoming normal
i still hav frens, whom i hope will stick wth me thru thick n thin
i can hope for a brighter future, yet i hav not enuf hope to break myself
i trust my instincts which hav nv proven wrong.....
my grades r ok
i m not disabled
i nv get much respect so i m not proud lik some ppl......
i can forgive ppl
i was born and now live in Singapore
i m a guy [yes i m male]
i m special in many ways so i get to see things from a different perspective
i m giving up on com games lik warcraft
i have msn so i still can contact my frens
i can adapt to challenges
i can smile
i can get up when i fall
i can('t) sing
i can be a nice person [if i want to]
i have patience[i know wrong spelling]
i m not so panicky[lol.....running out of ideas]
i m going to AJC, n i was in AISS... those schs taught n will teach me alot
i can create this list
i believe i have a purpose n future with someone i will jus call a fren; its funny
i have an imagination,tat i don't lik yh anymore but tat shatters everytime i speak to her its crazy i know .... i jus can't seem to thk bout other gals

so i m trying not to speak to her for a while..... but i know i can't help it if she goes online

2005-12-16T14:11:00.000+08:00

I m back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha

okok....responses to tags...... saritha, even d books at my house are not realli good:one,i hav read all of them;2,knowledge cannot be gotten from books at home otherwise i will not go to school

wy, DON'T TALK TO ME BOUT HARRY POTTER

sf.....i will be in malaysia visiting my aunt, d one tat migrated to malaysia when she married a malaysian chinese...... she has a child[my cousin] who is called wang li...... who has being staying wth us....... so for d pass few days i hav been offline........mayb i will b back on sunday........

i feel v.neg bout creating tat list on y my life sux.....i will do d opposite soon.....

2005-12-13T15:10:00.000+08:00

haha i m totally bored now......... sigh my anagram skills r getting worse......

haha.......

well i will not b able to go online for a few days....cya ppl

2005-12-13T14:39:00.000+08:00

whoa another cousin of mine has a blog!!!!!!!!!!

lol.....she liks to act cute.........usually.................

haha....finally in a better mood.......

now i m jealous.....i d onli one wth no pic!!!!!!!!

haha.....well it always seems lik i barely hav time on msn msnger..... so if u ppl hav anything to say don't wait for me to b online jus tag on my blog.......

haha.....

i thk shufen n weiyu r watching LOTR.....no fair i can't join them......
but i can read d book which has more details....hahahhahahahahahahaha

2005-12-13T12:08:00.000+08:00

haha......now in a slightly better mood.....

but it suxs having to log off at 10pm..........

hahahahahahahha...............................

sometimes i wish i was realli crazy....not realising wat is going on around me.....its called blissful ignorance.........but ....haha......

one of the most impt things i hav learnt is not to assume your knowledge is correct........ lik my mom....... she claims to hav gotten v.gd grades in sch but her knowledge now is annoying....... it seems lik she believes info from d tv...... lik those about cleaniness given by soap commercial.......... ignoring research tat water usually is jus as effective....... haha

2005-12-12T16:22:00.000+08:00

sigh.....now i m angry....... feel lik creating a list.............

reasons my life sux more than urs:

i m not allowed close the door to my room
i cannot turn on d com after10.....n everyone is online only after ten
i have to pay my bro $2 to play his warcraft CD
even though i pay him he still can push me out of d seat when he wants to play
if i resist he attempts to turn off d electricity for d com
if i push him away he goes to my mom who yells me to giv way to him
if i try do d same to him i m requested to act lik more mature n stop playing games.......
i rarely eat out........ n i rarely hav a choice of wat to eat for my meals
when i do get a choice i hav no idea wat d options are coz i rarly go out
n when i lucky 2 choose something tat can be bought there my choice is critisized
i m unable to understand most hawkers hokkien either
my mom calls me idiot,devil, stupid,fool.....etcetc in diff languages.......
she keeps asking me wat she owes me...... i shut up coz i hav no idea where to start..........
she believes tat she has a right to control my life coz she tosses my clothes into a laundry machine and cooks for me.......
her cooking is not realli perfect
she always complains bout d amount of laundry..... i take tat as a hint tat she does not want me to giv her more laundry by going out........
when i do go out i get a call every hour after 9pm commanding me to rush home
but i usually make it home early coz i hav a token allowance which i can use for nothing
i can't find a holiday job coz i m totally cut off from d outside world
if my com continues crashing for 2 hrs my mom says tat i hav played com for 2hrs n shld stop
she repeats tis while standing behind me watching wat i m doing online....
my mom's idea of healthy eating is to eat fruits while u are playing computer games
i m requested to stop playing com coz my bro wants to slp..... but i cannot request my bro to stop playing bcoz i want to slp
my mom believes watever i say is crap so i can't argue wth her
she believes my frens moms are idiots to allow them to live d way they do[for example, staying online after 11.......]
she keeps egging me to run away from home
if i run away from home, i might lose wat personal freedom i still hav when i go back[ is anyone willing to take me in?]
my dad believes watever my mom says bout me[i know he shld believe in my mom but.........]
i don't hav a playstation,or gameboy, am not allowed to turn on tv, my mp3 player is a free handphone wth v.limited sms, and my mom still asks y i spend so much time on a computer
when i go to church watever i say or do will b known to my mom,who complains tat i shld not do tis or do tat ....frankly tat realli sux
my mom keeps using d bible to demand tat i obey her...... but it seems lik she onli picks verses tat are 'useful' to scold me
my mom does not care when my bro refuses to listen to me but scolds me when i don't listen to her
she expects her requests to be carried out immediaty
my mom thks tat everything i hav is also hers
she expects me to tell her about my frens
but thx to her restrictions i alrdy hav few frens so i refused to tell her
if i don't listen to her 'hints' and 'requests' she start to further her restrictions
she expects me to make life easier for her i.e. i hav to go out of my way whenever she wants
my mom believes tat she both understands me and treats me v.well[she doesn't]
i hav to create a list to keep track of y my life sux
[add all d reason ur life sux after tis i m too annoyed to continue]

2005-12-12T10:03:00.000+08:00

haha......... i m still in a bad mood...... imagine ur mom standing behind u screaming at u if you refuse to turn off d computer......... jus bcoz its 11pm....... n u've onli jus gone online..............

it is so unfortunate........... my mom considers me an idiot....... therefore watever i say is jus out to mislead her......... tat watever i want onli will destroy me..........
therefore watever i say is rubbish ....therefore she should not listen to me........

she complains tat my time on d com has made me rebellious........ well of course..... does anybody expect me to still listen to her every word after i seen how much i m missing out there? my childhood has been lost n can nv be replaced.....

she sometimes complains tat i m a devil........ i can't believe i still respect her as my mom...... but i hav to walk tis dificult way..........

i m actually feeling guilty bout condemning my mom...... but i m certain wat i write is true..........

lets see if i can get into a better mood.......cya ppl

2005-12-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

O well....ysterday i was kinda happy...... dunno y today my mood is so bad.......

lol.....2day's church meeting was ok...... most ppl had jus come back from a church conference......lol......but i started sneezing during d meeting..... n my parents decided to continue socialising after d meeting.....all while i started having a fever...... then we went for lunch...... went home atbout 1pm...... then slept until bout 5:50..........lol......

well...... i must try get into a better mood........ cya ppl online..... too bad i can't meet u ppl in real life.......

2005-12-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

scroll down for d main post tis are d clues i promised earlier
okok.....now for d clues i will give for these 3 anagrams:
when unscrambled:
'hlIf Jet DingE' is linked to 'lRin NetBeWOns' by warcraftIII
'hlIf Jet DingE' is linked to 'DAkrAS GaTysRAkewl' by Starwars
'lRin NetBeWOns' is linked to 'DAkrAS GaTysRAkewl' by LOTR

lol..... another clue is which letters are in caps..... careful bout d cap i 'I' n small L 'l'....... n d number of original words are d same as in d unscrambled words.........

tis is d 3rd time i checked thru....shld b possible to work it out..........

2005-12-10T13:31:00.000+08:00

haha thx for tagging..............

lol...... 2day went chong pang 4 lunch....... my dad had to get his car back from servicing....... but d guys at d shell station were kinda slack..... so my dad decided 2 walk around while i decided to go home.......

lol...i went home d way i usually go home on a sch day...... by bus...... but since i missed a bus i decided to walk along d bus route until d nxt 1 could catch up wth me.........

sigh...... there were so many memories....... mostly not so gd but........ they were still memories....... lik d time i fell into d sch pond...... d time some choir ppl came up 2 me on d bus n said srry for making my life hell for d past few years........ raj's imitation of gollum......... lol...

hey if i m not wrong raj is d guy posting as o.O rght?

lol...... had a bad dream last night..... saw some guy yelling at his frens from d 12th storey of a block........saying 'u don't understand me' 'u guys don't even care bout me' etcetc..... he tossed a piece of paper into d air which i caught............ then he jumped.....i looked away.... onto tat piece of paper....... d words on tat piece of paper looked lik my handwriting........ d date was 23 oct 2006.......

hope it will not come to pass..............lol.......it will not happen.........

haha.........better put up d link weiyu asked me to...........

lol......hmm.... don't thk i will b allowed online 2night.........haha....... so cya ppl........

2005-12-09T21:53:00.000+08:00

haha.... my life continues at tis dull pace..... i feel change approaching..... but...... maybe its still a few years away........

lol.....no one i know is online rght now.........

sigh...i m having a terrible headache.... i dunno whence it came from...... but i m not in d mood for a headache........

lol...... some ppl i know are always positive or trying to remain positive......... but i fear if i do so i will b being unrealistic........
d world we r born into is unfair........ some ppl are blessed wth a wonderful life...... n they still complain how large their minor probs are.......but they hav no idea wat real pain is.................

2005-12-09T09:43:00.000+08:00

haha...... i was rght...... shld not hav gone 4 d choir concert...........=[ ........ i was d onli one there who did not hav anybody to sit with...... wah........

ysterday was also d first time i went out alone..... not fun..... wthout my parent's distractive nagging........ it seems tat everyone has someone wth them...... tat i don't belong in tis world any more........

sigh....it always seems lik nothing i want ever happens....... nothing at all............

i m trying to be happy....... but looking at things realistically......... i know tat i hav been v.slowly falling apart...... hope n God are all tat are keeping me together......

y do i esteem others tat hurt me? y m i willing to put other ppls happiness b4 me?

bcoz i know change is coming....... the tide must turn soon.......... tis is my hope...... tat my future will b something diff from d decline of 5886days tat is my past.......... finally i might hav rest from d nightmares tat trouble my daylight hours............ tat finally i may realli smile.......

2005-12-08T09:54:00.000+08:00

*yawn* ...gd morning......lol..... since tis blog is onli accessible by its wed domain...... i m not going to bother wth an intro........
wonder how u all r doing.........haha

well....later 2day i m going to go for my sch choir concert.....named cantare...... get to see some ppl i hav not seen in weeks..... probably gonna get reminded tat my life sux ....... lol...>.<>

lol.....it seems as though i can't contact everybody when i want to.......lik hui ting...... yu hui....... ppl from my choir..... wei yu....... shufen........ n when they r online i m totally exshausted.... 2 tired to watch wat i say....... probably insulted some of them....... my deepest apologies........

from wat i heard [or saw over msn msnger who cares]some ppl went for our sch informal prom....... wonder how it was lik...... 2 bad i could not go........

lol....my mom complain tat i waste electricity by playing a few hours of com..... so tats all i will blog 4 now.....

2005-12-07T15:19:00.000+08:00

ok..... now i hav got d hang of things........ lol....... haha my life is so bad tat getting a blog is amazing =P believe me......

haha first post

2005-12-07T15:10:00.000+08:00

wow!!!!